[ Important to him, but not- no. That wasn't fair, he knew Teddy cared about him. This was the Teddy he remembered from home, not the one that was here. Still, it hurt to look at him knowing he didn't...he still wanted that space. ]
I don't think it can ever go back to the way it was.
[ Something in them had broken, maybe it had started when Teddy walked away back home, it definitely shattered here. ]
You wanted you space at home- I'm not. [ He sighed. ] I know we're kind of stuck here now together but I won't get in your way. You can still figure it out. I'll stay out of your way.
[Maybe it could be better than it was, in time. Teddy's grip on the edge of the roof tightens, knuckles going white.]
You're not in my way.
[It's more complicated than that.]
Billy, when I needed time away from the team... it wasn't just about you. And it wasn't because I don't trust you. I've had a lot on my mind, but-- given everything you've been through here, maybe right now isn't the best time to talk about it.
[He frowns, avoiding Billy's gaze again.]
After all that, don't you think you need a little time, too? This is the first time you've talked to me since it all happened, right?
[ As much as he understands there's still that voice in the back of his head. The voice that whispers he's not good enough, that he will never be a better person. A voice he tries to silence and most days he does, but when he's faced with Teddy it gets louder. It tells him that Teddy just doesn't want to talk about it with him. Because Teddy never seems to want to talk to him about things. He keeps them bottled up until they explode out of him. ]
I've had almost two years to come to terms with all the crap that happened here. I don't think I'm the one that needs time to process. If you don't want to talk about it then you can just say that.
If that's what I really meant, I would have just said it.
[He does want to talk about it-- but everything that Billy's just put on him is a lot, and this doesn't seem like the best time for either of them. He sighs, frustrated, and he shakes his head before he looks back to Billy properly.]
I don't like putting my problems on you. I never have. But-- I'll make you a deal.
That's what I'm was supposed to be for! You're supposed to lean on me like you let me lean on you. How am I supposed to help if I don't even know something is wrong- [ he stops himself and takes a breath. This is probably not the time to get into that argument. ]
A date? [ That catches him off guard because...well he doesn't remember the last time they had a date. Before Mother? Before that even? They had been a mess for so long. He sees that now. It's amazing what time and space will do. ]
Well, it wouldn't really be starting over. Not completely.
[Because whatever else may have happened, whatever else may have complicated things, those feelings are definitely still there. For as much as Teddy has weighing on his mind, he still wants to be with Billy. Being away for three weeks had been torture, although he'd thought it was necessary. For Billy to have been without him for two years? He could only imagine.
He smiles faintly, hoping it comes off as encouraging.]
Your last experiences with me here... they weren't great. And I've loved all the time we've spent together at home, but-- we've been living together since my mom died.
[Not to mention they'd had close friends die on them, as well.]
I can't remember the last time we went on a real date, can you? Maybe we've forgotten how. But I think it would be good for us.
I think we forgot what it mean to be Billy and Teddy in the first place. [ things had gotten so complicated at home. They lost sight what why they loved each other so much.
He unwrapped his arms from around his legs and reached out, closing his hand over Teddy's which was still gripping the edge of the roof. ]
[He's startled by the display, considering all that's been said, but he softens a moment later, his hand relaxing before he turns it palm-side up and laces their fingers together.]
I think we might have. But I still love you, too. Even when I went away, that didn't stop.
[He'd wanted to call him every single day. Hell, twice he'd almost bought a bus ticket and turned back.]
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actualwizard) wrote2014-08-09 07:33 pm
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[He wishes he had a better answer than that. He looks to Billy and grimaces, meeting his gaze.]
Things can't just be the way they were, can they. Like nothing ever happened.
[Whether he did those things or not-- it was a lot. Billy needed time to process, and Teddy still needed a little bit of space. He sighs again.]
You're still... Billy, you're so important to me.
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I don't think it can ever go back to the way it was.
[ Something in them had broken, maybe it had started when Teddy walked away back home, it definitely shattered here. ]
You wanted you space at home- I'm not. [ He sighed. ] I know we're kind of stuck here now together but I won't get in your way. You can still figure it out. I'll stay out of your way.
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You're not in my way.
[It's more complicated than that.]
Billy, when I needed time away from the team... it wasn't just about you. And it wasn't because I don't trust you. I've had a lot on my mind, but-- given everything you've been through here, maybe right now isn't the best time to talk about it.
[He frowns, avoiding Billy's gaze again.]
After all that, don't you think you need a little time, too? This is the first time you've talked to me since it all happened, right?
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I've had almost two years to come to terms with all the crap that happened here. I don't think I'm the one that needs time to process. If you don't want to talk about it then you can just say that.
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[He does want to talk about it-- but everything that Billy's just put on him is a lot, and this doesn't seem like the best time for either of them. He sighs, frustrated, and he shakes his head before he looks back to Billy properly.]
I don't like putting my problems on you. I never have. But-- I'll make you a deal.
[He sucks in a sharp breath of air.]
How about a date? And we can talk about it then.
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A date? [ That catches him off guard because...well he doesn't remember the last time they had a date. Before Mother? Before that even? They had been a mess for so long. He sees that now. It's amazing what time and space will do. ]
Like. Starting over, date?
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[Because whatever else may have happened, whatever else may have complicated things, those feelings are definitely still there. For as much as Teddy has weighing on his mind, he still wants to be with Billy. Being away for three weeks had been torture, although he'd thought it was necessary. For Billy to have been without him for two years? He could only imagine.
He smiles faintly, hoping it comes off as encouraging.]
Your last experiences with me here... they weren't great. And I've loved all the time we've spent together at home, but-- we've been living together since my mom died.
[Not to mention they'd had close friends die on them, as well.]
I can't remember the last time we went on a real date, can you? Maybe we've forgotten how. But I think it would be good for us.
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He unwrapped his arms from around his legs and reached out, closing his hand over Teddy's which was still gripping the edge of the roof. ]
I still love you, nothing has changed that.
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I think we might have. But I still love you, too. Even when I went away, that didn't stop.
[He'd wanted to call him every single day. Hell, twice he'd almost bought a bus ticket and turned back.]
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He gives him a small hopeful smile. ]
So, date?
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Yeah. I'll come pick you up at your room and everything. Dinner and a movie, maybe?
[Or is that a little too cliche'd? Although, the two of them tended to have superior taste when it came to movies.]
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Except you don't know where my room is. [ he says it's teasingly. ]
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[Seems reasonable, right? He grins back, teasing as well.]
But since I already denied you the chance to give me a fake phone number, I figured I'd give you one more shot to get out of it if you wanted.
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[ He squeezes Teddy's hand. ]
So when should I be ready?
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[He smiles a bit sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck with his free hand. He's not really up on whatever calendar Wonderland uses.]
Tomorrow night? Is that too soon?
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[ Time and calendars are so weird here. ]
As long as it's not too soon for you. I know this place is an adjustment.
[ He doesn't want to make that harder. ]
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Tomorrow night, then. I can't think of any better way to try and adjust.